6 months and 7 days later.

Oh God.

It’s been that long already!

Why does it feel like it’s only just yesterday?

I’m stuck in a limbo between “aren’t I over that yet” and “take it easy I’m still recovering”.

No one gives you a roadmap to recovery .

The surgeon said 6 months, maybe 9. So it looks like I’m on the maybe 9 side of things.

The damn wound site is really bloody painful still and some days the pain is most obtuse. (And I’m already on so many tablets it’s unreal.. I don’t think I could physically fit anymore into my day..just wish some of them would actually kill pain!!)

I get told to take it easy a lot. I wish I could.

There is always so much to do that falls in the “if I dont do it, it won’t get done” camp. (Caveat: husband is as wonderfully supportive as he can be. He also has issues that make it impossible for Him to do certain things. I.e. we are at an impasse)

I am definitely having trouble trying to do “normal” things. Be normal.

Taking it easy at work is easier said than done obviously. The occupational health lady is wonderful and supporting, but again, I am the only person in the company doing what I do. Taking it easy is an option only to walk back into a massive wall of initial issues, chaser issues, second chaser issues, New work etc etc.
And not forgetting the old faithful of “where is the coffee now?” (Answer..where it has been kept for the last 6 years asshole).

I’m fighting myself constantly. It’s very tiring.

I am my own worst enemy. My expectations of myself are SO very high.

And, you see, I’m doing this all on top of a condition called Fibromyalgia. That’s bloody bad enough on its own. Surgery recovery too….Well, it is just plain rude really.

But let’s face it, I’ve never known when to quit..Or even slow down.

I worry about everything. My mind is a constant whirring of worry.
The noise is fairly hefty right now. Spinning and spinning…

So. What do I do? I don’t know. In all honesty, it’s just one foot in front of the other right now.  I will surface from this current slump as I have done in the past. One thing will get sorted and it will start a cascade of everything else being ok too.  It’s just a case of hanging in there and sitting right until that one thing presents itself.

This is not the most positive or uplifting of posts, but you know, sometimes just writing things down has a way of getting it out of your head. And that in itself may be the thing I need. 

And, in six months time it will be a whole year. Maybe I can throw a party for my half lung??

One. Foot. In. Front. Of. The. Other….


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