I don’t know whether I’ve mentioned this before, but have a look at this:
It’s great, isn’t it?
Almost everyone I know who has a chronic condition says this is the best explanation to help people understand the nature of daily existence for us.
Ok, so I have 15 spoons on this given chart.
*get up 1
*IBS stuff 3 (I made this one up based on how much energy managing this takes)
*get dressed 1
*bus 2 (to and from work, some days this is more)
*work 4 (and some days many more stairs than a normal person does)
*manage meds 2
*after work phone calls 3
*dinner 3 (not every day though)
I am, on an average day, on a three spoon defecit even if I dont make dinner.
You may have noticed the list doesn’t include any kind of shopping or going out. Those events take a special kind of spoon stash.
And chiropractic treatment, well, cancel my evening. Nothing more happens.
It is a constant balancing act of what must be done vs. What I want to do.
And this is where it all goes interesting.
I am so far into a spoon defecit that literally anything I do is sending me into a flare. I am working my arse off just to get to the ‘must’ things. I have to work. I like money (one of those useful things that make stuff like bills and food happen) and have been refused any help from the lovely government, so really have got to got to work.
But then working this hard kills spoons dead. Argh. Vicious circle. Very vicious.
This year has been so extra special too. Having the stupid tumour and half lung out, well, just throw away all the spoons and replace with one knife and stab yourself in the fucking head with it.
Extra meds. Extra awkward. Extra pain.
Anyway….. (Yeah, I’m sick of hearing about the poxy lung thing too. So old news)
Positivity. That’s what you need. In fucking buckets.
You can get through things. It’s not easy, but then again nothing is easy that is worth it.
There are moments where I have hardly any energy, but I will try to use that last ounce to keep my chin up.
I may be going through so much stuff myself, but I will try to keep my ears open to listen to others when they need to get things off their chest.
I may be dog weary but I keep trying.
This will cost me spoons, I know, but I am not giving up. I can’t.
I am only 37, I have so much life left in me. I can’t just jack it all in now.
Some things just take a little more working out.
A lack of resentment helps, resentment and negative emotions will steal away your energy quicker than anything. And that is quite hard. You want to rage. To shout how unfair it is to the universe.
But still you go on. You have to.
So, that is it really. I get up everyday because I must. Because I’ve got things to do. The harder it becomes, the harder I try. It’s not rocket science or the deepest darkest secret, but it is what I do.
I know at some point in my future, I won’t be able to, so for now, no matter what, if I can, I will.
Well, that was all a bit serious. Have a hug, they are great for your wellbeing *HUGS* 😘