Expectations of 2016

Its that time of year when (after stuffing faces silly and going through massive present giving anxiety) thoughts turn to the inevitable ‘new year, new you’ crap.

My my. what a loaded pile of expectation.

Right. Lets set ourselves up for massive sadness by just the end of January…
Must do Weight loss, unrealistic goals, disappointment abound.

I am not setting resolutions this year.  I just want a few simple things.

1) to stay alive and not have anymore medical stuff happen.
2) to be able to leave the house with little or no anxiety
3) start swimming so I can lose the medically advised mountain of flab
(Seriously 42kg…Sheesh!!)

This is not dependant on a clock chiming and an invented calendar turning a page. this is about me generally progressing. Every day a new step. That’s doable. No failure for me.

Plus I really want to beat my anxieties.. they are starting to bother me outrageously….

So, good luck to you all who join the gym, give up smoking and all that malarkey, I really hope it works for you.

But don’t do it because it’s new year, do it because you want to.


Shortest day, longest night. Always reminds me of Nanny Ogg

Tonight is the longest night.

I wish that meant I would get more sleep.

Never mind.

Life ruled by tablet schedule means uninterrupted lay ins are  a long distant memory. plus I have to get up and work tomorrow. (Can avoid city centre festive madness which is a blessing..May pop into Lush to get myself a few thing though).

I get the feeling I may be kept up as hubby is off to see star wars later and he will come home and relive it frame by frame, detail by minute detail… I can feel the spoilers in the force already.

Looking forward to Xmas though, presents are stacking up under the tree…another reminder I am totally adored and spoiled by everyone.
Just waiting for parcels to be delivered to add to the haul. The very important family boxes!

So, I am done and dusted prepping for the festivities. Literally just waiting now.

And tomorrow the sun starts it’s return. I am looking forward to light mornings. Woo!!!

Finding a new normal

Was reading this:

mourning the loss of life once had

Interesting stuff.

Turns out I have recently been living in my past.

All memory jogging things have been taking me back to the 90’s.

This was a time I felt carefree. I had nothing wrong with me.
School was pretty mad, I was finding my feet, going out, travelling around all over the place.
Getting to college on my own for a year, starting work. doing my own thing with money. You know. The cool shit.

This is exactly the opposite of now.

I miss my old life. 

I don’t think I have even started to mourn it. maybe this is what my regression and reminiscent wandering is all about. Maybe I can take this as something to build a new me.

As I approach 2016 I know I am going to do “New year, New me”. cliched, but true.

I’m not going to be allowed to not. This is what the diabetes has forced me to address. I must lose 42kg and eat healthier. I will also be doing directed exercise.

So rather than be Pissed off about it, maybe my brain is taking me back to my “happy blooming as a person” and reminding me that the only thing that has changed is my massive collection of life experience.

I have constant pain, yes. I have fatigue..boy yes. I have so much shit wrong with me that it can seem overwhelming. But..and this is important… It hasn’t changed who I am.

I can still be fun and funny. I can still go out with my mates, just need to be careful with timing…

If I take this whole life long condition thing lying down, I am losing. I don’t want to lose. I’m still bloody furious and I want control of my life back.

I want to be the woman my husband fell in love with.

I want to be happy.

I may mourn my old life, but that may be as a butterfly mourns being a caterpillar?? Who knows.

Point is… 2016 is going to be MY year. And I WILL find a new normal.

Today is a win!!

Today I took affirmative action.
I took steps.

After the diabetes type 2 diagnosis a month ago, I was left with a void of information and a bit of paper from the doctor with an email address on it for “some people who can help”.

I made an appointment to see the people who can help me with diet and exercise. (God forbid, that dreadful combination!)

Today, I went to see him and got help. Actual help. Even taking into account all my extenuating circumstances!

I have a PLN.

I have a pedometer, a food diary, a step plan… Also a book of tickets to get me into aquaerobics for a quid.  (And I’m going to get orientation at the swim centre so the staff know me, even offered to get tokens so hubby can join me!)

Someone who is actually concerned.

I am also going to a 6 week CBT course to help with my anxiety (which ways rears its ugly head). Just need to check that out with occupational health as its in work time, but I’m sure it will be fine.

and….Turns out my food intake is actually quite good, now I have cut out the bags of sweets (argh!!!). I have an idea of what I can still eat, which is what I wanted!!

A little bit of information goes a long way.

I feel a bit more in control, in charge of my destiny rather than a bunch of diagnosis thrown together!!!

So much so that I got the bus home after the appointment, got in and made a stew which will sit and cook for four hours.

Everything is groovy!