Remembering I am fierce.

I did a photoshoot last December when my hair was still short.

I needed a reminder that I am not just a blob of medical intrigue and that I was still a woman who was fierce.

Got my photos back today and they have done me the world of good.

I think it’s safe to say mission accomplished.

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I also felt it was important to include my scar. It features heavily as it is now part of my life. It represents the fact I am still alive. It’s a starting point for a whole new life for me.
I just needed a reminder.

I am fierce. I am strong.
I can and will fight everything as I want to live and have fun.

Yeah me!!!

(Also, I’ve been described as a chronic pain wrangler…. I like that.)

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Pain and anger …

I am in pain.

I can barely stand. Walking is very humorous.

I am mixing and matching my available meds (this is not something I am happy doing, but needs must!) Which is turning me into a very chatty, scitty zombie with mood swings.

I am very fortunate that I am able to work from home, so I have taken a week of home work to try and rest my back. (Just less walking is something to look forward to!)

Also waiting for appointments to get into see GP (specific GP, so there is a delay) and chiropractor.

I think my pelvis has rotated out again. Defo got trapped nerves.

Pile it all on. Why not.

I spent Sunday watching hubby play with paving slabs in the garden. I couldn’t join in if I wanted to …very grumpy.
I couldn’t even get in the shower…

Today, I have managed to shower, which is lovely. It was farcical but I didn’t fall over.

I am in a spin. I really am. I know this is going to happen more and more the older I get. I need to start to future proof everything in my life.

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I am quite sick of the pain. It’s constant. And it keeps getting worse. I thought I was at my ten, but no, more pain… 15 is my new ten..and possibly its not going to stop. Ever. When someone says constant chronic pain, I have a really good idea about what they are talking about.

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Anyway…as a positive, I am doing something about it.
I will speak to GP about pain management and changing my big meds…
I *can* change this. Or at least tweak it enough that I can function as a normal human and continue to earn money at work.

Hahaha, normal human.