It’s not “just cos I’m fat”, OK?!

Just been to the doctors for like the millionth time in a few weeks.

All of everything got blamed on then fact I’m overweight. (He is the only doctor that does this, the other Ones try and help me).

Well, yes, I’m not a slim super model. But I am actually working really hard to control what I’m eating and to do regular exercise.

He doesn’t like the exercise I’m doing. it’s not “proper” exercise, he thinks I should go running.

Well excuse me.

I am doing what I can do!

I have a chronic pain issue and fibromyalgia doesn’t play well. some days I can’t fucking walk and he sneers at the fact I’m  doing at least 5k steps a day, as I should be doing ten!!! Well fuck you. I’m trying. I really am trying.

Apparently I can fix fibro by eating well an running. tell you what, fuck off.

I don’t want to be ill.

I don’t want to be overweight. I am trying very hard to lose the bloody weight actually.

I get obesity is a problem in this country. I am not obese. anyone that knows me will say I am not obese. I’m plump for sure… obese, no. I have a waist. But, my bmi is 37.3. I am double what my lower weight should be. (I do get told that the BMI chart is a load of shit, but when that is what your GP uses its hard to fight the “facts”)

Trapped in a spiral. He offers no help.

I’m doing this all on my own and he just sneers at me.

I eat well, I don’t drink, I’ve been drinking decaff for ages… none of this matters. I’m still overweight.

I am bloody cross.

But, he still prescribed antibiotics. Which I said I didn’t want as I’m on big pill stuff anyway. But this will hopefully kill the abscess I’ve had for months. (Due to me being fat obviously).

Whatever. doesn’t matter.

I’ll just sit over here staring at a packet of jaffa cakes which I won’t eat as they make me ill anyway.

Very. Cross.

Edinburgh Coffee Festival 2016

I had my tickets booked for this as soon as I could.

Went last year when it was held in the Mansfield Traquir, which is a gorgeous venue:

But quite small and it got very packed and very hot. Still was amazing and I was looking forward to it this year in a new venue.

Fascinating place with some great history.

The spaces used were great. Plenty of room for exhibitors and people alike. Didn’t feel in anyway claustrophobic. We had a great chance to Potter around early doors

Started off with a really zingy Ethiopian light brew and the search for a superb coffee was on.

The thing I love are the samples and coffee types available. It really is a mecca for all things bean brew.

I learnt new ways to deal with grounds, prep, water temperature, stirring even. The guys on the stands are more than happy to give advice and samples. Your coffee journey can only improve!!

I mean, I’ve not gone to any of the talks/demos on offer and the programme is quite packed… it’s not just a giant free form cafe.

Basically, I totally recommend this if you even slightly just like coffee.  A great price for the ticket. Great stands on offer. And you may just end up finding a gift for that awkward person on your Xmas list.

Oh, we also got shown an app for finding independent coffee shops in Scotland. Very handy in Edinburgh… click the map, see who’s closest to your location. give it a whirl if you are ever here. “Scotland Coffee Lovers”. Saves you ever having to *just go to Starbucks* because you can see it.

Anyway, rambling aside, I have had a lot of fun today and drank some amazing coffees.

Looking forward to next year already.

Its good to talk..

I am lucky that I have some superb friends. (Sisters count as friends for this particular ramble).

I have a group of people who are willing to be involved in my life and listen to me grumble about all the various goings on in my life.. of which there are a number.

I like to listen to them too.

Honestly, it’s the cheapest therapy there is. 
So really this is just a thank you to those around me and involved with me who care and I care about.  You are a great bunch.

And as the song goes “friends.. Oooh LA LA LA LA!!”

Harvey and rabbit – friends 

Meeting a hero..

I’ve been taking many plunges into the pool of ‘outside my comfort zone’ lately.

I have had a busy year..

Usually I am a bit too scared of the what if’s and could be’s to commit to an event even if it’s something uber wicked that I want to do.

But the chance to see Chris Packham in the flesh, hear him talk about his life and book was an opportunity I had to grab.

My friend was extremely lucky to get in the ticket reservation list at no.17 and she grabbed them for us.

I woke up on the day and was so very excited. I had been out the previous day (BTCC qualis and support race at knockhill race course..lots and lots of walking) and my body was shouting at me as I had pushed it quite hard, had a fleeting moment of maybe I should cancel. But no, I needed to do this. I wanted to do this. I must do this.

After the usual faff schedule of getting ready to leave the house, I jumped in a cab and went off to meet up with my mate for a cuppa before hand.

I was like a very excited kid.

The thing about the book festival is it is at the west end of town where I have worked until very recently. I have watched the tents be erected for the last six years and have never seen inside. Just crossing the threshold was a thing of excitement. 

Inside is a small town of marquees and an open area to sit and chat. 

The most amazing thing is the smell. it smells of books. They’re being sold everywhere.

So, surrounded by the comforting smell of all those words and pages, we queue. It is a sold out event. The queue is long, but I know we will all get in.

Standing for over half an hour, the body was screaming at me again. The stick really helps but it was still a but arduous.

Then comes the panic of ‘point of no return’… once the doors are shut, they are shut. No latecomers. If you have to leave you don’t get back in. triggers all over the place.

However, my friend Beverly is such a calming person. Hardly ever ruffled. She talked me through quite a few surges of panic. 

And finally, we get in. A cavernous space with tier seating, a small stage with two chairs and a video screen. His name appears.. the time is close!

Luckily we found seats that accommodate all of my various needs and had a great view.

And there he is. Chris Packham as I live and breathe.

As soon as the interview started, you could have heard an ant fart. He held the room captivated.

He is such an eloquent speaker. he delivers information in such a special way. He is so passionate about what he speaks about.

But he was so small, kept his eyes mainly on the floor (eye contact is not something he enjoys) but spoke so movingly about his life and trials growing up, all his obsessions and some very personal dark periods in his life. (It’s in the book, which I can’t wait to read)

The hour sped past. All too soon it was over.

But then there was an opportunity to meet him at the book signing. Argh! I don’t know.. I don’t know!

Again, Beverly steps in. She says we should just queue and see what happens. 

Obviously I had to rush and buy the book to get it signed.. humerous stories all over the place tbh… book people are very funny.

The queue then became one huge anxiety rush for me… I turned into a sweaty mess. Fight or flight was happening and I almost ran. But I was talked down again and stuck with it.


Had a really lovely chat with him. I said stupidly stupid things as one does when faced with a child hero. He was lovely. Absolute diamond.

However a close up of a photo of me says a lot… I’ve added some labels..

Also my heart rate was off the chart, I could just feel a constant thrumming, not even beats!

I wish I could have been calmer and possibly enjoyed it more. (Possibly as I was already at 98% enjoyment!!)

But I did it. he was amazing and it was so worth all the peripheral crap I go through to get out of the house and get anywhere.

It is going to take a while to get over this. It’s a bit indescribable. Meeting a hero. What a wicked day. He was everything you want your hero to be. So, so pleased.
Plus a queue jump incident by Billy Brag was a second decent celeb spot…

This an incredibly exciting thing!!

Are you into the arts? Bit of cabaret? Ever fancied getting up on stage and having a bloody great sing?

Well, I am, I’d love to. Unfortunately due to weird random things growing on my vocal chords I can’t.
But I tell you who can.
Yes, Sharron Matthews.
Check out her link below and it tells you everything you need to know.

Sharron Matthews cabaret Superstar

Now, I’m not affiliated in *Any* way and I don’t get a benefit from this, apart from knowing the Sharron gets to do something amazing.
And when this is done, the potential for her to do even more astounding things is also there.

(Like, I would lover for her to be able to come back to Europe, but it’s bloody expensive…)

So, if you have a few quid/dollars/funny shaped stones with holes in to spare, this is a great cause and will spread the joys and skills (she does workshops too you know.. getting the youth into the stage and performance)…

Plus, she is awesome, witty and pretty fierce.

Background (just because it helps right?)
You may know I have a gazillion issues and anxiety is one of them. Well, I met Sharron very randomly at the Edinburgh fringe festival a few years back and went to her show and it was knock out. I went back the next year, on my own. On the bus and everything. Because, when she sings, she sings how I want to sing. she makes a noise that makes you happy.
I sat in the venue and I had no problems. for the hour of that show, I was transported. It was honestly amazing. If someone else can experience anything close to that escape, I’m an advocate!!!

Now, I haven’t know her forever, or am a close personal associate or anything, but I bought her album and it rocks. She rocks. She’s truly a nice person. (Nice how I like nice.. is down to earth and honest and swears a good amount)  and you don’t get that much these days. And she is talented.
And wants to share that with people.

So I’m sharing this with you. I would very much like it if you are able to help, but if not, can you reblog/retweet, whatever and spread the word round a bit. I’d appreciate that.

Oh, I am her self appointed official European stalker (because every super star needs one, OK), but due to the fact I have issues and really can’t fly, to stalk her properly, I would need her to visit me. ironic much????!!!…. Hahaha.



Me and Sharron last time she did the Fringe.

Just catching up..

Hello all, It has been a while since I have written.

Lots going on at the moment.

Got made redundant for about ten hours and then got hired on by the department I was originally hired by, been doing all that work during my time at facilities anyway, so continuity there.  Bit bonkers in all honesty.

In brighter news, I am currently obsessed by pom poms.  Literally obsessed.  They get made and multiply without me being aware of doing them.

I need to buy wool now… wool by the sheep load!  I have a project  on the go which I want to finish ASAP.

We have recently cleared out the garage…step one to getting his man cave up and running.  The nicest thing about my current work situation is that we are looking at getting a lot of things free from the old building.  I have secured for him: sofas, gaming tables, shelving, cupboards, white board, nick nacks of all sorts.  It almost becomes a man cave after one van load of gubbins.

We have insulation to attach to the ceiling, and I am going to learn how to plaster so I can cover the wall that has pebble dash on  it.  Few more things (like finding an electrician to rewire the garage) and it will be a little place almost fit for him to move into he he he.

So that will be him happy.


I am busy. I am also feeling better than I have in months.  Seriously, my last flare shook me up substantially.  I now use a walking stick which is taking the strain out of my pelvis.. you would not believe what a difference it makes!  Also, doc has me on new tablets which seem to be working.

I have gone caffeine free (mostly) during all of this and so far have not killed anyone.  I think I have done that very well.

I have put my first successful post on Freecycle..getting rid of some craft stuff I just can’t use.  Wow.. when you get a post that is exciting, you have to fend off people left right and centre!  Never felt so popular! 

Anyway…I am now sitting at my new home desk area (not quite finished..need things from the office when we “move”) and it is great.

New start coming.

Feel the happy almost daring to show!!